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A Screenplay by Noel Lorenz
INT. SHYAMBAZAR – AFTERNOON
Intuitive Lawyer ABHISEK KUMAR GHOSH is arguing with friendly Teaher NEHA PARI AGARWAL. KUMAR tries to hug PARI but she shakes him off.
KUMAR
Please Pari, don’t leave me.
PARI
I’m sorry Kumar, but I’m looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
KUMAR
I am such a person!
PARI frowns.
PARI
I’m sorry, Kumar. I just don’t feel excited by this relationship anymore.
PARI leaves.
KUMAR sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, sweet POLITICIAN DHARAM VEER SAXENA barges in looking flustered.
KUMAR
Goodness, Veer! Is everything okay?
VEER
I’m afraid not.
KUMAR
What is it? Don’t keep me in suspense…
VEER
It’s … a thug … I saw an evil thug evetease a bunch of women!
KUMAR
Defenseless women?
VEER
Yes, defenseless women!
KUMAR
Bloomin’ heck, Veer! We’ve got to do something.
VEER
I agree, but I wouldn’t know where to start.
KUMAR
You can start by telling me where this happened.
VEER
I was…
VEER fans himself and begins to wheeze.
KUMAR
Focus Veer, focus! Where did it happen?
VEER
Baghbazar! That’s right – Baghbazar!
KUMAR springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD – CONTINUOUS
KUMAR rushes along the street, followed by VEER. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. BAGHBAZAR – SHORTLY AFTER
SUMAN TANDON an arrogant thug terrorises two women.
KUMAR, closely followed by VEER, rushes towards SUMAN, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
VEER
What is is? What’s the matter?
KUMAR
That’s not just any old thug, that’s Suman Tandon!
VEER
Who’s Suman Tandon?
KUMAR
Who’s Suman Tandon? Who’s Suman Tandon? Only the most arrogant thug in the universe!
VEER
Blinkin’ knickers, Kumar! We’re going to need some help if we’re going to stop the most arrogant thug in the universe!
KUMAR
You can say that again.
VEER
Blinkin’ knickers, Kumar! We’re going to need some help if we’re going to stop the most arrogant thug in the universe!
KUMAR
I’m going to need knives, lots of knives.
Suman turns and sees Kumar and Veer. He grins an evil grin.
SUMAN
Kumar Ghosh, we meet again.
VEER
You’ve met?
KUMAR
Yes. It was a long, long time ago…
EXT. A PARK – BACK IN TIME
A young KUMAR is sitting in a park listening to some R & B music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SUMAN. He takes off his headphones.
SUMAN
Would you like some RASOGOLLA?
KUMAR’s eyes light up, but then he studies SUMAN more closely, and looks uneasy.
KUMAR
I don’t know, you look kind of arrogant.
SUMAN
Me? No. I’m not arrogant. I’m the least arrogant thug in the world.
KUMAR
Wait, you’re a thug?
KUMAR runs away, screaming.
INT. BAGHBAZAR – PRESENT DAY
SUMAN
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
VEER
(To KUMAR) You ran away?
KUMAR
(To VEER) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
KUMAR turns to SUMAN.
KUMAR
I may have run away from you then, but I won’t run away this time!
KUMAR runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
KUMAR
I mean, I am running away, but I’ll be back – with knives.
SUMAN
I’m not scared of you.
KUMAR
You should be.
INT. SHYAMBAZAR – LATER THAT DAY
KUMAR and VEER walk around searching for something.
KUMAR
I feel sure I left my knives somewhere around here.
VEER
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly knives.
KUMAR
You know nothing Veer Saxena.
VEER
We’ve been searching for ages. I really don’t think they’re here.
Suddenly, SUMAN appears, holding a pair of knives.
SUMAN
Looking for something?
VEER
Crikey, Kumar, he’s got your knives.
KUMAR
Tell me something I don’t already know!
VEER
The earth’s circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
KUMAR
I know that already!
VEER
I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed.
SUMAN
(appalled) Dude!
While SUMAN is looking at VEER with disgust, KUMAR lunges forward and grabs his deadly knives. He wields them, triumphantly.
KUMAR
Prepare to die, you arrogant bastard!
SUMAN
No please! All I did was evetease a bunch of women!
PARI enters, unseen by any of the others.
KUMAR
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those women were defenceless! Well now they have a defender – and that’s me! Kumar Ghosh defender of innocent women.
SUMAN
Don’t hurt me! Please!
KUMAR
Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t use these knives on you right away!
SUMAN
Because Kumar, I am your brother.
KUMAR looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
KUMAR
No you’re not!
SUMAN
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
SUMAN tries to grab the knives but KUMAR dodges out of the way.
KUMAR
Who’s the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, SUMAN slumps to the ground.
VEER
Did he just faint?
KUMAR
I think so. Well that’s disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly knives.
KUMAR crouches over SUMAN’s body.
VEER
Be careful, Kumar. It could be a trick.
KUMAR
No, it’s not a trick. It appears that… It would seem… Suman Tandon is dead!
VEER
What?
KUMAR
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
VEER claps his hands.
VEER
So your knives did save the day, after all.
PARI steps forward.
PARI
Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant thug?
KUMAR
Pari how long have you been…?
PARI puts her arm around KUMAR.
PARI
Long enough.
KUMAR
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Suman Tandon.
PARI
Then the women are safe?
KUMAR
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable women enter, looking relived.
PARI
You are their hero.
The women bow to KUMAR.
KUMAR
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Suman Tandon will never evetease women ever again, is enough for me.
PARI
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the women passes KUMAR a gold ring
PARI
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
KUMAR
I couldn’t possibly.
Pause.
KUMAR
Well, if you insist.
KUMAR takes the ring.
KUMAR
Thank you.
The women bow their heads once more, and leave.
KUMAR turns to PARI.
KUMAR
Does this mean you want me back?
PARI
Oh, Kumar, of course I want you back!
KUMAR smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
KUMAR
Well you can’t have me.
PARI
WHAT?
KUMAR
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a thug to death before you would believe in me. I don’t want a lover like that.
PARI
But…
KUMAR
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin – my best friend, Veer.
VEER grins.
PARI
But…
VEER
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
PARI
Kumar?
KUMAR
I’m sorry Pari, but I think you should skidaddle.
PARI leaves.
VEER turns to KUMAR.
VEER
Did you mean that? You know … that I’m your best friend?
KUMAR
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly VEER stops.
VEER
When I said I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the thug don’t you?
THE END
Copyright 2019. All Rights Reserved.
Publisher Email: noellorenzbooks@gmail.com
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